a soft heart

When my pastor, Dan Nold, preached a sermon 2 weeks ago entitled a Life Without Walls: 100x Heart I knew that God pricked my heart as he spoke of the 3 qualities a heart needs in order to live this kind of life. The first heart quality is a SOFT heart - the opposite being a hard heart. Dan spoke of bitterness being the greatest proponent of a hard heart.

I said I knew that God pricked my heart but at the time I didn't really know what to do with that. Sometimes I think I just get tired of rehashing my junk and I just want to be done with it but... I can't be done with it if I haven't allowed HIM to deal with it.

As I've been reading the story of David in 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles, I am amazed by the bits and pieces that I grasp of how far out of his way David went to care for, esteem, even fight for Saul - a man who had tried to take David's life on multiple occasions! Reading further in David's story this week that heart prick from an April 26th sermon came back to me and I discovered that I hold grudges.

Hi, my name is Kim and I'm a GRUDGE HOLDER. I'm pretty sure I come from a long line of grudge holders. I find it so much easier to hold on and keep retelling the stories of hurts and betrayals than to MOVE ON. Apparently I find it more appealing to have my sob stories to tell than to be FREE of them - how incredibly backward is that?

I'm not really sure what the specific "treatment" for grudge holding is but I am sure I don't want to stop pressing in to let HIM deal with it. For starters I'm praying over my life what Ezekiel prophesied over Israel:
"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 11:19

I WANT A SOFT HEART!