infinitely invested

God's been convicting my heart lately about my prayer life. Not that I don't have one but that I don't set aside enough time to be prayerful and do some listening. I FEEL like I continue throughout much of my day in a prayerful attitude, having conversations with Him all throughout my daily routines and interruptions. But, I don't set aside long enough or frequent enough times of prayer when I'm not driving the car or sitting at my desk or using an elliptical at the Y or mowing the lawn or DOING something other than just BEING with Him.

A phrase from Milton Vincent's "A Gospel Primer: Learning to see the Glories of God's Love" actually made me catch my breath today! He said "God is infinitely invested in my PRAYER LIFE. He sent his only Son to die on a cross and rise from the dead so that I might have the freedom to stand before Him."

There are lots of reasons that the gospel astounds me but I have to say I've never viewed what Jesus did at the cross specifically as GOD'S AMAZING INVESTMENT in my position to even HAVE a prayer life.

If God is so infinitely invested in my prayer life - shouldn't I BE!!!?

a soft heart

When my pastor, Dan Nold, preached a sermon 2 weeks ago entitled a Life Without Walls: 100x Heart I knew that God pricked my heart as he spoke of the 3 qualities a heart needs in order to live this kind of life. The first heart quality is a SOFT heart - the opposite being a hard heart. Dan spoke of bitterness being the greatest proponent of a hard heart.

I said I knew that God pricked my heart but at the time I didn't really know what to do with that. Sometimes I think I just get tired of rehashing my junk and I just want to be done with it but... I can't be done with it if I haven't allowed HIM to deal with it.

As I've been reading the story of David in 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles, I am amazed by the bits and pieces that I grasp of how far out of his way David went to care for, esteem, even fight for Saul - a man who had tried to take David's life on multiple occasions! Reading further in David's story this week that heart prick from an April 26th sermon came back to me and I discovered that I hold grudges.

Hi, my name is Kim and I'm a GRUDGE HOLDER. I'm pretty sure I come from a long line of grudge holders. I find it so much easier to hold on and keep retelling the stories of hurts and betrayals than to MOVE ON. Apparently I find it more appealing to have my sob stories to tell than to be FREE of them - how incredibly backward is that?

I'm not really sure what the specific "treatment" for grudge holding is but I am sure I don't want to stop pressing in to let HIM deal with it. For starters I'm praying over my life what Ezekiel prophesied over Israel:
"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 11:19

I WANT A SOFT HEART!