check your thirst!

Today I was reading John chapters 7 & 8.
John 7:37-39 says: Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive.
My Bible references Isaiah 58:11 as the verse being pointed to by the phrase "as the Scripture has said" That verse says "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

So, if I believe Jesus is who he says he is my life, my heart will be a spring out of which the Holy Spirit will flow - keeping life around me healthy and fruitful (like a well watered garden).

I love the picture here of the Spirit being the water to a garden of life, love, and many kinds of fruit. BUT - I need to check my thirst. How many other things do I long for in my life that compete with a thirst for Christ? Fleeting things, wishful things, self-centered things, some may even be worthwhile things - but none that can compare with HIM who will guide me always! I need to check my thirst!

Jesus, I pray that you would daily renew in me a thirst for you - for your Spirit - your living water. When I feel like I'm missing out on something or lacking something in my life would you remind me - in those moments - that YOU are the only thing worth thirsting for – the only one who truly satisfies!

a pleasing fragrance

Mark 14:3 - "While he was at Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head."

This woman gave Jesus a very extravagant offering of her worship. The scripture says that the perfume she poured over him was worth a year's wages - that's EXTRAVAGANT. It took some sense of stewardship simply to be able to own that perfume to offer - and it required a sense of FREEDOM in her heart to offer it selflessly and without reservation.

I must constantly and consistently work towards being a better steward of my possessions, my finances and my heart so that when opportunities arise to worship in extravagant ways - I have the freedom to worship my guts out. Whether it's financial freedom to pour into something or someone because HE leads me to do - that or the freedom of a pure heart to worship in ways that I have yet to experience. I don't want to miss it!

My prayer today comes in the form of the lyrics of a song by Rita Springer...
"I bring to You a fragrant offering
I pour out my love and I wash Your feet
I offer up to You, Lord, this brokenness
What You can see in me shall be my confidence

I bring to You a humble sacrifice
I pour out my heart and I give You my life
I offer up to You, oh Lord, this costly gift
With absolute abandon now my love I confess

May it be a pleasing fragrance that I bring to You, oh Lord
I am so in need of Your presence and I bow before You now
I pour my vial of worship over You."

May it be a pleasing fragrance that I bring to You, oh Lord!

his great mercy

Reading in Daniel today, the second half of verse 18, chapter 9 was a wonderful reminder to me of who I am and who God is!

"...We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."

Without his great mercy I am nothing... without his great mercy I am lost, wandering, wondering... without his great mercy by life is not just a vapor it's a waste of time... without his great mercy I am doomed.

BUT... "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." - Ephesians 2:4-5

Him... GREAT MERCY. Me... ALIVE IN CHRIST!
Says it all!

do you LOOOOOOOVE me?

Reading in John 21 this morning - the story of Jesus asking Peter, not once - but 3 times, "Do you love me?". I was reminded of a teaching I once heard by Beth Moore. She was talking about the progression that occurs each time Jesus asks the question.
First there is the growing frustration in Peter at being asked the same question repeatedly. Second is the emphasis on the word LOVE that grows with each time Jesus asked the question. I can't seem to track down the specifics about the different forms of the greek word for love that are used in this passage but the gist of it was that by the third time Jesus is really asking...
"Peter, do you LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE me?". More than anything or anyone else do you love me (not just do you love me like you love pizza, or do you love me like you love your parents but do you love me like you have never loved before?

In our staff meeting yesterday our Pastor, Dan Nold, posed the question: "Do we live like Jesus is our King?" Do I live like Jesus is the ruler of my life or am I the ruler of my life. Do I live like Jesus is my King or do I let other people/things rule my heart, my life?? In other words - it's Jesus saying to me...
"Kim, do you LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE me?"

summer of service - beyond the service projects!

After having a week to get normal amounts of sleep and get back into the swing of the typical work week I am still reflecting on all that God did during out version of youth camp - Summer Of Service (a.k.a. S.O.S. 2009).

This is our third year for the event and each year it has become a better event in so many way. 2009 brought 7 church youth ministries together with a total of 72 students and about 15 youth leaders/youth pastors working to lead them through the week. Students arrived at our Harvest Fields property with sleeping bags and a week's worth of clothes on Sunday, July 19. We worshipped together, played together, prayed together, ate together and served together all week long. Students bunked at host homes or churches in age/gender specific groups to give it that "away at camp" feeling but we didn't go away - we served all over the Centre Region here at home.

Our hope and prayer is that SOS will be more than one week in the lives of students that shows them serving can be enjoyable - but that it will help to spur a change in how they live the rest of their lives. Serving and loving others as Jesus did/does!
They served their hearts out all week visiting at nursing homes, doing cleaning and grounds keeping at 3 school buildings, helping at St. Vincent de Paul's, S.P.C.A., Centre Peace, Faith Center in Bellefonte, Penns Valley Comm. Center, spending time with autistic students in an autistic support classroom, one group even did 3 hours worth of laundry for the new thrift shop at the Community Helps Center and lots of other projects. Many students also had the opportunity to do random act of kindness giveaways. We stood downtown in State College and at the Tally Rand in Bellefonte and handed out gift cards from Rita's Ice, Starbucks, Saints Cafe, Minit Mart gas cards, bottled water, etc. We sent students to the local pools each day to hand out freeze pops. We even held a 1$ car wash where we washed the car and then handed the driver a dollar (most folks could not be convinced to take the dollar bill :-)

In addition to all of the service that took place God was also spotted clearly working in hearts during our evening worship times. I know this entry is getting lengthy but I have to share our story from Wednesday night. The back story is that our worship band had felt that something was hindering worship the first 2 nights so there were several folks praying specifically about this. On Wednesday night worship seemed to have some breakthrough. Our speaker that night lead students to a time of repentance, talking about how the junk in our own hearts that we choose to live with and tell God "not now... I'll let you fix it later... not now, God" is the same stuff that keeps us from being who God wants us to be. It will be that same junk that keeps us from loving others the way Jesus wants us to love on his behalf. He invited students who felt there was something specific that they needed to offer to God and stop saying "not now" to kneel - telling them a leader would come and pray with them. In the midst of this very focused time we had one of the worst sound feed back issues I've ever heard! Students began to chuckle - our speaker immediately called students to stay focused - he shared that Satan knew God was working under that tent that night and that he (Satan) would love nothing more than to use that sound feedback to distract everyone away from what God was doing. It was evident on the faces of students that recognizing the truth in that statement brought a new sense of seriousness to their focus. God MOVED and it was good. We learned later that one student made a first time decision to become a Jesus follower that night - her's is a sweet, sweet story!!

To see a photo recap of SOS 2009 - click the video below!!!

instead of briers the myrtle will grow

Today's Life Journal Bible reading had me in Isaiah 55. I was quickly reminded of a time at a staff retreat when God spoke promises to me in a very LOUD AND CLEAR way through verse 13.
I'm not sure of the year but I know I hadn't been in State College more than 2 or 3 years. I had moved here following some very painful junk at a former church and was in a spiritual and emotional state that left a lot to be desired. It may have been the closest I've ever known to feeling like my spirit had been crushed. Life Hurt!
I knew God had brought me out the circumstances and had brought me to a new physical location on purpose but I wasn't yet feeling the difference in my heart and mind - life still hurt.
I read these words from Isaiah in the context of reading all of chapter 55: "Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed."
If I would've read those words at any other time they would've just been nice words but for whatever reason God used them day, years ago, to pierce my heart with a very real sense of HIS PROMISE. All the junk that felt like briers entangling my life would one day be replaced with HIS BEAUTY for HIS FAME! Nothing changed that day in the heaviness I felt but there was a renewed HOPE in my heart that He would restore and heal, that He would once again have me in a place of growth and life and fruitfulness!
Today I am reminded of the heaviness and despair that I felt that day and the hope and expectancy I felt after reading those words from vs. 13.
God has done powerful things in my heart since that day at that retreat. He has healed deep hurts, restored confidence, reminded me of gifts He placed deep in my heart that I am finally ready to re-explore, stirred up joy that had been tucked away for so long. HE has shown himself TRUSTWORTHY and FAITHFUL.

I don't know what your heart has been through or how you feel today... heavy hearted or joyful?... hurt or healed? But I do know that He is faithful to His word. He promises that...
... instead of briers the myrtle will grow!

you remain the same

Psalm 102 begins with 11 verses of lament. The subtitle of the psalm is "A prayer of an afflicted man". I'm sure we could all fill in our very own 11 verses of lament about trials in life, difficult circumstances, sad results of our bad choices, days of just feeling down for no apparent reason. Some of us have far more legitimate reason to lament than others if we weigh suffering on a human scale.
The thing about Psalm 102 that makes me catch my breath for a moment is the phrase immediately following the 11 verse lament. Verse 12 says "But you, O Lord..."
Regardless of circumstance, difficulties, issues with sin, frustrating relationships, whatever the situation that might make our days seem tough or make us weary we have hope and can choose joy because the Lord IS.
Psalm 102 wraps up with a celebration of God's infinite presence:
"IN the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, BUT YOU REMAIN... You REMAIN THE SAME, and your years will never end." (vs. 25-27)
What a promise - if no other good thing ever entered my life this one promise should be enough to make it all worthwhile. He will never leave and He will never change!

infinitely invested

God's been convicting my heart lately about my prayer life. Not that I don't have one but that I don't set aside enough time to be prayerful and do some listening. I FEEL like I continue throughout much of my day in a prayerful attitude, having conversations with Him all throughout my daily routines and interruptions. But, I don't set aside long enough or frequent enough times of prayer when I'm not driving the car or sitting at my desk or using an elliptical at the Y or mowing the lawn or DOING something other than just BEING with Him.

A phrase from Milton Vincent's "A Gospel Primer: Learning to see the Glories of God's Love" actually made me catch my breath today! He said "God is infinitely invested in my PRAYER LIFE. He sent his only Son to die on a cross and rise from the dead so that I might have the freedom to stand before Him."

There are lots of reasons that the gospel astounds me but I have to say I've never viewed what Jesus did at the cross specifically as GOD'S AMAZING INVESTMENT in my position to even HAVE a prayer life.

If God is so infinitely invested in my prayer life - shouldn't I BE!!!?

a soft heart

When my pastor, Dan Nold, preached a sermon 2 weeks ago entitled a Life Without Walls: 100x Heart I knew that God pricked my heart as he spoke of the 3 qualities a heart needs in order to live this kind of life. The first heart quality is a SOFT heart - the opposite being a hard heart. Dan spoke of bitterness being the greatest proponent of a hard heart.

I said I knew that God pricked my heart but at the time I didn't really know what to do with that. Sometimes I think I just get tired of rehashing my junk and I just want to be done with it but... I can't be done with it if I haven't allowed HIM to deal with it.

As I've been reading the story of David in 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles, I am amazed by the bits and pieces that I grasp of how far out of his way David went to care for, esteem, even fight for Saul - a man who had tried to take David's life on multiple occasions! Reading further in David's story this week that heart prick from an April 26th sermon came back to me and I discovered that I hold grudges.

Hi, my name is Kim and I'm a GRUDGE HOLDER. I'm pretty sure I come from a long line of grudge holders. I find it so much easier to hold on and keep retelling the stories of hurts and betrayals than to MOVE ON. Apparently I find it more appealing to have my sob stories to tell than to be FREE of them - how incredibly backward is that?

I'm not really sure what the specific "treatment" for grudge holding is but I am sure I don't want to stop pressing in to let HIM deal with it. For starters I'm praying over my life what Ezekiel prophesied over Israel:
"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 11:19

I WANT A SOFT HEART!

hemmed in

Maybe it's because I like to sew, maybe it's because I like being tucked in my bed like a little cocoon - I don't know why exactly but I've always loved Psalm 139:5

"You hem me in - behind and before; You have laid your hand upon me."

Merriam-Webster defines hem this way "a border of a cloth article doubled back and stitched down"

To me that says something is really being well secured.

I love the picture it paints in my mind of God's great, powerful hand being folded over my life (doubled back... stitched down).

He has laid his hand up on me! Secure!

slaying giants

I love the story of David and Goliath. I've been hearing it in one form or another since I was just a few years old. I can just picture the flannel graph now!

Reading it again today (1 Samuel 17) I'm reminded of a time when I did something harder than I ever thought I was capable of and someone distinctly told me "You've slayed a Goliath in your life today". As difficult a time as that was those words made my heart leap. It was an amazing testimony of God's power in me - giving me strength to do what would've been impossible in my own strength.

There are places in my life today that need that same, God-invested power. As David gets in the face of the champion of Gath he says "... but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty... this day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head... for the battle is the Lord's!..."

(I can hear Take 6 singing it now) :)

What a necessary reminder that the battles in my life are not mine but HIS - if I will just get out of the way and give him room to hand over to me those things that need to be slain. And there's the rub - finding my part in it. The getting out of the way or the surrendering what I need to surrender or the doing what only I can do so that my heart is soft and ready and I give the Lord a place to move and work in me.

Jesus, Help!

sacrifice, obedience and fear of man

"To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." 1 Samuel 16:22

I've read this verse numerous times over the years and it's always made sense to me... the show of sacrificing something for the sake of God's glory means nothing if, in my very heart of hearts I'm not living a life of obedience to Him. Today more of the passage spoke to me.

..."Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has rejected you..." (vs.23)

Saul's response follows: "I have sinned. I violated the Lord's command and your instructions, I was afraid of the people so I gave in to them."

And there it is! Saul was more concerned about how the people perceived him than he was concerned about his standing before God; more willing to do what kept the people pleased with him than to act in obedience to the living God and risk the backlash of unhappy people. He wanted to make a big show of sacrificing the best of the livestock they had plundered from the Amalekites rather than simply obeying God's specific instructions that they take NO plunder and ALL should be destroyed.

I still find it far too easy to read about God's judgment, his wrath, his incredible love and sacrifice that so deserves my obedience and still bow to the part of my heart that gets caught up in what people will think of me. Blech!

Jesus, would you please continue to shape my heart to fear You alone, to obey You alone and to love You alone above anyone or anything else in this life! You ALONE are worthy!

who is like our God?

I've been mourning, along with the city of Pittsburgh, the loss of 3 Pittsburgh City Police Officers. It has made my heart heavy, partly because of the senselessness of the whole incident; but more so because it touches family! As I watch my niece grieve the loss and have to go back out in the field as a Pgh. Police Officer herself and as I recognize that one of the deceased officers was married to a girl who grew up across the road from my family home and leaves behind 2 young daughters - it just hits harder than a typical "news story".
I've been praying for my niece, for the families of these 3 men and for the rest of the police force in Pittsburgh and as they mourn and these words from Psalm 77:13-14 were a powerful reminder to me today that none of it catches God of guard - He is not a hands-off God:
"Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; You display Your power among the peoples."
While I will never fully understand His ways or His timing I am confident that He is great and holy and powerful and that HE LOVES US.
I pray that those touched by this tragedy in the Steel City will see his miracles and his power displayed in their lives as they walk through this season of grieving and that they would be drawn closer to His heart every day!

mastered by righteousness

Along with my Bible reading plan I've been digging into Milton Vincent's "A Gospel Primer for Christians". A book of bite-sized readings that dig into the heart of God's love for us. While the readings are bite-sized in length they are so meaty that it takes a day or two to digest each short piece.

Today after reading the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 and 2 I read these words by Vincent (just a short excerpt of today's reading): "According to Romans 6, when I obeyed the gospel call I was both declared righteous and "became a slave to righteousness" at the same time... Hence, it could be said that 'sanctification' is merely the lifelong process wherein I joyfully surrender myself to God's imputed righteousness... Indeed, God has clothed me with His righteousness. Now He wants this righteousness to master me."

The combination of reading about Hannah and her amazing profession before God to give her son to God's service if He would bless her with a child... her faithful obedience to do just that; and reading the statements above re: the effects of righteousness on the life of believers has me wondering how much my life is effected by or mastered by righteousness. How often does what I'm doing with my time, my life, my choices, my heart reflect the directions given by God's righteousness. How often does my life reflect more of ME?? Sadly, if I examine my days too closely I think there is much more of me than I want to see and far too little of God's righteousness reflected in my daily living.

Holy Spirit shape my days by shaping my heart. Help me to grasp the reality of being declared righteous and being a slave to righteousness so that my life reflects Your righteousness for Your Glory!

transformation???

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like anything but transformed. My pride getting the best of me... letting frustration and self-doubt rule the day (or at least the hour).

If I am being transformed, if there is freedom from sin, freedom from self, freedom from lies once believed - how is it possible to go from point A to point B in a heartbeat?

Jesus, I pray for your Spirit's freedom and your transforming power to be at work in me today. Thank you for not leaving me where I am. Thank you for grace and mercy to pass through the times when I look/feel nothing like a reflection of you.

down payment or paid in full?

"Now it is God who makes us stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, GUARANTEEING what is to come." 2 Corin. 1:21-22

The notes in my Study Bible mention this deposit of the Holy Spirit as a sort of down payment on the eternal life that is yet to come. I'm not sure I agree with that assessment? When I make a down payment on a car or a house I am promising to pay the rest of the cost in the future. In the spiritual realm the cost has already been Paid in Full!

It's amazing to me that God would go beyond all he did through the cross and in addition send his holy spirit to bless my life in the here and now. A promise of greater things to come. A daily reminder of eternity with him. A moment-by-moment helper to insure his LIFE in me here on earth until I enter eternal life in him one day.

The Message says it this way: "Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. In him, this is what we preach and pray, the great Amen, God's Yes and our Yes together, gloriously evident. God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting his Yes within us. By his Spirit he has stamped us with his eternal pledge—a sure beginning of what he is destined to complete."

and God is faithful

Reading 1 Corinthians 10 today. Verse 13 is the familiar: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful."

Really it could end right there - those last 3 words are enough - GOD IS FAITHFUL.
His faithfulness isn't on-again-off-again like mine can tend to be... effected by circumstance or simply by my attitude. His faithfulness is eternally the same, steady, constant. His faithfulness does not waiver based on my performance!

While the testimony to his faithfulness would have been a sufficient end to this verse - the author continues to bring further promise - more evidence of God's great faithfulness. The verse finishes with the powerful statement that both encourages me to keep fighting against sin and challenges me that I have no excuse to give up.

"...He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I love that there are several uses of the words HE WILL and no mention of the words I WILL. I know I have to do my part but He is my strong tower! He is the power behind my trying! He is faithful!!!

HALL-LE...

LU-JAH!

strong, firm and steadfast

1 Peter 5:8-11
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

A friend and I were talking yesterday and putting together some plans for accountability in the areas of fitness and diet. It's perhaps the first time that I have truly felt like I am fully trusting God for this always-daunting area of my life. My friend shared that God had been leading her to Verse 8 above and that it spoke to her about the ALERTNESS that comes when we are self-controlled. It's so easy to put food in our mouths without even paying attention. Munching on things that our bodies don't need while we watch TV or prepare a meal or when we're simply bored or feeling emotional. Learning self-controlling and being alert go hand in had.

I was looking up verse 8 later in the day - on my own - and read all of chapter 5. While I realize Peter was speaking of sufferings far beyond the scope of what I can even imagine I still believe that He is at work in me - restoring me, making me strong, firm and steadfast.

I am so grateful for the people God puts in my life to bring challenge, encouragement, accountability and to walk the path with me. I don't expect it to be easy but having someone to partner with certainly does make it GOOD.

am I all talk?

1 Corinthians 4:20 "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power."

In the midst of reading several chapters of scripture this morning this one sentence jumped out of the book. It caused me to think, to pray, to wonder at how every time I think I've gotten on a good path to change I realize how much MORE change is needed in my life.

Does my life demonstrate God's power or am I all talk?

Reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" and being dually challenged about similar things has driven it home this morning. Do I live fearing my own failure or do I live fearing that I'm succeeding at things in life that don't really matter? Am I giving God my very best or is my best getting used up by other things that get my time and attention and God just gets my leftovers?

Does my life demonstrate God's power or am I all talk?

Jesus, don't let me walk away from wrestling with this until I reach conclusions that direct me to places where my life will please you more than where I am today.

the desires of my heart

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I've known this verse as far back as elementary school - I can picture a plaster wall hanging that I got to paint at VBS the summer I had finished 4th grade. The plaque was shaped like a scroll and simply had the words of Ps. 37:4 raised up to be painted (poorly if my memory serves me well).

For years I've interpreted that to mean "if I find my joy in him - he'll grant me all my wishes". Well... I would never really say it that way but truly that's what my line of thought has been. My thoughts on this verse have been stretched and challenged over the years to morph into something more like "If I find my joy in him he'll help me reshape the things I want in life so that my desires line up with the things he already knows he wants to give me".

Today - as I read this verse and then read a note in my study Bible that says "choose his pleasures and he will choose yours" I was struck by a completely new take on this verse.

If I choose to pursue the things that please God he will IMPART to me the things that will be my delight. I'm not sure I can word it properly? As I pursue things that are pleasing to God he will not just reshape my desires to match his but he'll actually transfer his desires to my heart. He will hand pick the desires of my heart.

After hearing God speak this to me I am certain it's by no coincidence that today's scripture reading also included a chapter in 1 Corinthians - I glanced at the final verse of chapter 2 as I opened to read chapter 3. 1 Corin. 2:16 says "But we have the mind of Christ."

The mind of Christ and a heart that matches God's heart. A tall order but my part is simple - delight in Him. Not always easy. His worth should make it easy but my junk gets in the way. Easy or not it is indeed simple - delight in HIM!

heart attack

Psalm 38:18
"I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin."

I had the privilege of hearing a pastor in Pittsburgh this past Sunday as I visited friends. He talked about the sin of unbelief using the text about the disciples in Luke 9:37-45 as a springboard.

The 2 phrases that grabbed my attention were one of his key points:
1. Recognize unbelief (or any sin) for the evil that it is.
2. Attack unbelief for the evil that it is.

He quoted Charles Bridges "All our sin is born of the defect of unbelief."

I find it far too easy to continue to take the comparison view of my sinful heart. The "I'm doing fairly well compared to..." perspective. This is the frame of thinking that keeps me from seeing unbelief or any sin in my life for the true evil that it is.

Psalm 38:18 reminds me that I must continually confess and that I must ask the Lord to cause my heart to be troubled when I find myself becoming too comfortable with sin in my life. Whether it's an attitude of my heart, an action I commit or something I should be doing that I'm not - I want to be troubled by the evil that my own sin is so that I will be prompted, always, to attack it for the evil that it is.

the shout of the King!

Numbers 21:5 "... they spoke against God and against Moses, and said "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!"

I'd like to take the time someday to re-read the account of the Israelites and count the number of times they say something like "Why did you bring us out of Egypt so that we can die?" Their discontented, unbelieving, ungrateful, quick to complain, whiny spirits get really annoying and I find myself wondering why God didn't just give up on them. And then... I realize that I am just as capable of grumbling my own discontented, unbelieving, ungrateful complaints. Maybe I don't address my whining TO God overtly - maybe I try to convince myself that I'm not like the Israelites because I just grumble to myself without directing blame towards anyone.

Reality - if I believe God is sovereign (and I do - I bank on it!) then any signs of discontent or unbelief are directed towards God by default. If he knows all, sees all and he alone has the power to do all things then whatever is happening in and around my life is a direct result of HIS hand. If circumstances come my way - or even remain the same for years (as in Israel's case) - it has not taken God by surprise.

So, before I condemn the Israelites for how annoying they seem to me I need to clean up my own act in the trusting God department.

2 chapters later in Numbers 23 - Balaam speaks over the children of Israel these words: "The Lord their God is with them; the shout of the King is among them."
That's where I want to live! With the SHOUT OF THE KING surrounding my life!

leaping heart

Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."

In church life, student ministry, life group, among friends we talk sometimes about the difference between happiness and joy. Landing on the idea that happiness is typically associated with an event or circumstance - something "going my way" - a visit from a good friend - receiving an item that makes us "happy", etc. There is always a something or someone that causes us to be happy. On the other hand JOY is a state in which we can live in spite of circumstances. If we walk with Jesus HE is the true source of joy and we can be joyful during good times and difficult times because, while circumstances change and flow from good to bad and back again, Jesus REMAINS THE SAME.

My joy is in found in Jesus. He's the same God "yesterday, today and forever". He won't leave me, he won't forsake me, he won't laugh at me behind my back or pull the rug out from under, he won't change his mind about me, he won't think I'm stupid when I fail. He WILL, cherish me, he WILL laugh WITH me when I do something dumb, he WILL listen when I ramble, he WILL be with me always, he WILL encourage me, challenge me, nudge me, cry with me, rejoice with me, redeem my faults, carry my burdens, rescue me, comfort me, convict me through his Holy Spirit, he WILL LOVE ME ALWAYS!

I even think sometimes he laughs at my stupid jokes!

HE IS MY JOY AND MY HEART LEAPS!

the mighty waters

Psalm 29:3
"The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters."

One of the ways I sense God's presence is through nature - especially certain things in nature. Things like gorgeous sunsets painted across the sky, seeing a full moon or milky way spread across the night sky, and even though I live in PA and see them all the time - when I see a herd of deer standing or running in their natural habitat (or near the highway??) I have to stare and I'm reminded of our amazing God who created everything that I see. But the one thing in nature that will always be the ultimate place where I feel God's presence in a very real way is when I'm standing at the ocean. I don't know what it is exactly but there is something about the incredible force of the waves and the rhythm of the tides that speaks to me loudly and clearly of the GOD OF ALL POWER. There is something majestic about the ocean and it's crashing waves that shouts of HIS MAJESTY. It's also beautiful and (to me, at least) mysterious in how it functions - which proves many times over his awesome hand and creativity.

"...The Lord thunders over the mighty waters." He amazes me!

face to face

Numbers 3:3&8 "(Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)... With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord."

More humble than anyone else on the face of the earth. Holy cow - what kind of character building does it take to be a walking example of any fruit of the spirit MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE on the face of the earth?? I know I have some serious work to do - or some serious heart surgery to let God do!? Still struggling with the whole my part vs. his part concept??

Is there a tie between these 2 verses?? Did God bless Moses with the incredible, outrageous-ness of speaking to him face to face BECAUSE of Moses' humility? I mean, I'm sure it played a part (just needing to be humble to BE in God's presence) but as it pertains to my life, if I grow in humility does the way, the clarity, the frequency of my hearing from God grow too??

I want to grow in humility - regardless of what blessings it may or may not bring. I want to know the outrageous-ness of God speaking to me FACE TO FACE whether it is directly proportionate to my growth or not!!!

Could you please grab the scalpel and the band-aids, Lord!?

gaze upon the beauty of the Lord

Psalm 27:4 "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

Today, Feb. 22nd, marks the one year anniversary of my Mom passing away. It's remarkable and really unfathomable for me to think about the fact that she and Dad are both DWELLING in the house of the Lord... gazing into his beautiful face RIGHT NOW!

God gave me a clear picture in the moments that Mom passed - we'd already been missing Dad for 8 years and the Lord strongly, clearly brought to my mind a photo of them both - taken the year they were married. It's not the best quality but it's clear enough to see the joy on their faces... to hear the laughter that is portrayed in the photo... knee slapping, side-splitting laughter. I believe God brought that photo to mind in that moment because they were both at that very moment in each other's presence once again and more amazingly IN HIS PRESENCE.

Don't you think being WITH HIM will bring enough joy that there will be knee slapping, side-splitting laughter... along with a million other outrageous emotions when we gaze into his beauty!?!!

the cloud lifted

Numbers 9:22
"Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when the cloud lifted, they would set out."

I was thinking the other day about a time 9 years ago when life seemed to be about as good as it could get - amazing do-life-together friends, great church, great job, close enough to family to visit whenever I wanted. All was well until life sort of blew up in our faces - things went haywire at the church (which happened to be my place of employment and the connecting place of the life-doing friends). I don't think I will ever understand God's reason behind the "Why did this happen?" question but reading this verse today, that I'm sure I've read many times even over these past 9 years, it lit up for me - THE CLOUD LIFTED.

For whatever reason it was time for most or all of us to move on and (for whatever reason) God chose to use sad and difficult circumstances to MOVE us. I wouldn't trade where I am now for anything but there is a new peace in my heart to realize that the only thing I ever NEED to understand about the "Why did this happen?" is the fact that the cloud lifted and when it did it was time for me to "set out"!

Thank you, Jesus, for leading and guiding, for moving the cloud in your perfect timing, for giving me eyes to see and follow in the midst of junk, for continuing to move my heart away from the junk and into your sweet presence! Thank you for being TRUSTWORTHY! When nothing else around me made sense I could TRUST the moving of the cloud because it was YOU.

i'm amazed

Psalm 23:3 "He restores my soul..."
I woke up late today, frantically gulped down coffee and a quick breakfast, missed my normal "quiet time" time and flew to the office for a morning of training/teaching from a guest speaker, worked on a few things in the office, forgot to eat lunch, went to the "Y" to spend some time on cardio equipment but ran into a friend who is a trainer there so did some strength training learning and then cardio, came home to shovel a driveway then went grocery shopping, made dinner and sat down to FINALLY have some time reading God's word, waiting, listening for God's voice, praying. Trying to focus I was very aware that my heel hurts like crazy and I'm really tired and achy but then I read the words "HE RESTORES MY SOUL" and HE DOES!!!

I'm so taken by the fact that the God who created me, created everything, would care enough about how my day went or how I'm feeling physically/emotionally, cares and does something about it - he restores me. Webster says restore means to bring back into existence or use - to renew. So the God of the universe takes my feeble, weary soul after a goofy day of chasing myself around and brings it back to life!

I believe He is who He says He is - I believe His word and I am restored! I don't understand why He chooses to bless me but I'm so grateful for it!

The words of an old song flooded my head as I'm sitting here feeling restored:
I'm amazed at all you've done for me
Who am I that you'd bless me so?
I stand in awe of all your wondrous deeds
You've dealt with me so graciously!

god's timing

God's timing often makes me smile. I was asked to sing for a funeral service yesterday - for a person I had never met, didn't know the family, didn't know a single person involved other than the acquaintances who were friends of the family and asked me to sing. It was a service for someone who made no claims of knowing or following Jesus and that aspect of the service was so powerfully absent to me.

Sunday, Feb. 22nd, marks a year since my Mom passed away (thus the comment about God's timing!). It was difficult to sit and listen yesterday to wonderful things being said about someone and know there is a good chance they didn't love Jesus or know him as their Savior. I was reminded of how precious it is to me to know that regardless of the sometimes difficult personality traits and issues that I had with my Mom - she did know Jesus and the service we had for her a year ago was a time of not only celebrating the life she had here but a time of celebrating the life she was beginning - the eternal life that started at 9am on Feb. 22, 2008 - WHAT A THING TO CELEBRATE!!!

Opposite that celebrating is the reminder that there are thousands of families in our region who don't know Jesus - who are going to lose a loved one without the privilege of the hope that their earthly death marks their commencement of life in the presence of Jesus. I need to be motivated by that reminder daily as I cross paths with some of those families! I need to find spaces in my life to cross paths with them!!

all day long

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4&5

I'm so thankful for the many ways God chooses to teach me truth and guide me in his ways. I'm naming - and claiming ;) 2009 as my year for LIFE CHANGE!!! For whatever reason - approaching fitness in 3 major areas - physically, spiritually and financially - FEELS different to me in recent months.

Past failures in all three areas have served to keep me in a place of not really wanting to try anymore but in the past 2 or 3 months Jesus has intervened and is leading me in paths that I'm not sure I've ever truly been on before. I feel HOPEFUL - even EXCITED as I start each new day with a level of motivation that is truly new to me.The only explanation in my mind is that the Lord is teaching me his paths, his truth for my life. It's not just me putting forth my best(FEEBLE)human effort.

Can't wait to see all that he has in store and continuing to pray for a heart that trusts him like never before - I don't want to miss a thing... and my hope is YOU all day long!!!

be holy

I counted 16 times in Leviticus, chapters 20-22 where the words "I am the Lord" appear. These words end each chunk of instruction the Lord was giving to Moses for the Israelites.
Chapter 20 verses 7 & 8 say "Consecrate yourselves and BE HOLY, because I AM THE LORD your God. Keep my decrees and follow them. I am the Lord who makes you holy."
Why pursue holiness? Because HE IS THE LORD MY GOD!
Pretty simple - but not easy.
Like so many things in life, the idea, the truth is simple but walking it out is not easy.
I've been stirred lately to embrace those places (those "God-sized" goals) where, unless God steps in I can NEVER accomplish them.
I'm so grateful that His word is filled with promises - promises that serve to spur me on in the midst of aiming for God-sized goals.
I can hardly grasp the final phrase of vs. 8 but I'm so glad that He is indeed the author and perfecter of my faith.
"I am the Lord who makes you holy."

a dwelling place

"Then the cloud covered the Tent of Meeting, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle. Moses could not enter the Tent of Meeting because the cloud had settled upon it, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle." - Exodus 40:34&35

As I finished the book of Exodus today I went back to find that 15 whole chapters of the book are filled with specific instructions, minute details and vivid descriptions of the great pains that were to be taken to build a dwelling place for God's glory. I am brought to the sober realization that if I - under the New Covenant purchased by Jesus - am to be a dwelling place for God's glory - the Holy Spirit - I need to pay far more attention to how I build, renovate and keep house in the tabernacle of my life, my heart, my mind, my spirit and my body. Not simply because details were important in Moses day and I need to keep up - but because of the precious and mind-blowing gift that it is to have His glory dwell in me. Under the old covenant Moses couldn't even be in the same room with the presence of God's glory and yet God chooses to let his glory dwell IN US! I can hardly even grasp that but I know it's true!

the overflow of a grateful heart

Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Jesus words to the Pharisees in Matt. 12 were very clear and totally tie into the Psalmist's words here. Jesus said "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."

It's one thing to "hold my tongue", or "watch my words", or to follow the good manners taught by parents "If you don't have anything nice to say...". It's something altogether different to cultivate a heart of joyful gratitude! A heart that looks FIRST for God's best in everyone and everything. A heart that overflows with the abundance of recognizing God's endless and rich blessings in my life everyday!

I want my words to reflect a heart like that - even more so I want to be sure I am cultivating a heart like His!

path of life

Psalm 16:11
"You have made known to me the path of life; you fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

HE makes known - I can't discover or stumble upon the path of life unless HE reveals it and graciously opens my eyes to see it.
HE fills me with joy - JOY IN HIS PRESENCE. No earthly pleasure, person or thing can bring the true joy that God will, in His kindness, fill me with - joy that comes ONLY from His presence! Joy and pleasure that is eternal ONLY come from His hand.

So, why do I spend so much time, energy, money, LIFE seeking things that bring only momentary pleasure or joy?

BECAUSE I STILL DON'T GET IT! I understand it - I believe it - I agree with the truth but I still find myself in times and places where I'm stupidly convinced that this one more thing, or that experience, or, or, or - will make me happy.

IT'S A LIE! HE IS TRUTH!

religion vs. relationship

I read Acts chapter seven today. Verse 53 says "you have received the law that was put into effect through angels but you have not obeyed it."

We can know the law - know God's Word - interpret it in our own human way - even obey our own interpretation of God's word nearly perfectly but if we don't KNOW GOD we miss it all!

The Sanhedrin Stephen was speaking to kept to the letter of the law religiously - at least as they interpreted the law - but they had no connection to the Holy Spirit... no relationship with God. So, when all was said and done they put to death the very prophets who told of the coming of Messiah. They hung the foretold Messiah on a cross. They missed it all!

Religion killed relationship.

Jesus, keep me from being more committed to the ways than I am to knowing and loving the Way-Maker!

life goals

Acts 6:5&8 "They chose Stephen, a man full of faith...Now Stephen, a man full of God's grace and power did great wonders and miraculous signs among the people"

What a resume! These descriptive phrases about Stephen made me wonder what could ever be written about me if someone decided to chronicle the history of my church? "She could sing real good." "She developed miraculous typing skills".

The final chapter of Batterson's "Wild Goose Chase" will be rattling around in my head and heart for some time and part of the challenge given by the author is to develop LIFE GOALS. I'm not sure how, at 41 years old, I can truly say "I HAVE NO GOALS". I believe it makes sense for some goals to be concrete accomplishments but reading about Stephen this morning reminds me that the more valuable goals are the ones I set for my heart, my spirit, my faith journey.

Goal #1 - To be found faithful; full of God's grace and power!

no fear

Acts 5:29 jumped out at me this morning - it says: "We must obey God rather than man!"

I think this verse struck me today because I just finished reading the final chapter of Mark Batterson's "Wild Goose Chase" in which he talks about the cage of fear some (I) are prone to live in. Batterson writes that the cage of fear can cause us to run the race so we don't lose (no risks, no initiatives) rather than running to WIN the race.
Most fears in my life boil down to the fear of man. Whether it's worrying about the good opinion of others; operating under fears instilled by over-cautious parents; fear of failure (which, by the way, is just another side of worrying about what others think of me).
The writer of Acts puts it simply but powerfully "We must obey God rather than man!"
There's even an exclamation point right there in the Bible!!!

one name

I attend the Chris Tomlin/Israel Houghton concert/worship service last night where one of the themes was the name of Jesus. "Name above all names...", "No other name..."; Chris even talked about how we've pretty much said it all when we name Jesus the Messiah!
Today, my Bible reading plan took me to Acts 4 where verse 12 says: "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

Salvation is found in that ONE NAME - no one else - it doesn't get much clearer than that.

I've talked to people who say they believe in Jesus but that they can't believe that no other "religion" (without Jesus) will get people to God. Sadly that kind of statement makes it pretty evident to me that those folks don't really believe that God's Word IS God's Word! That's a pretty vital belief to have if we want to trust that Jesus is who he is.

I have no idea why God chose to allow me the blessing of growing up in a home and a church where God's Word was taught, believed and trusted?? I don't know why He chooses to allow me to trust that truth - always - with out question or reservation. But I am so incredibly grateful that He does!

no other gods

Ever since I was kid the words of Exodus 20:3 & 4 "You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in the heavens above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below." painted a picture in my mind of idols being in the form of a golden calf or one of the many statues worshiped in the Hindu religion. I guess the kid part of me read this as "you shall not MAKE STATUES".

Over the years I've grown to understand God's full intent with these words. A great article by C.J. Mahaney entitled "The Idol Factory" did a lot to help me grasp my own incredible propensity toward idolatry. I believe that "golden calf statues" may have been the issue for Israel back in the day because clearly that's what they decided to worship.

But what idols am I prone to worship? The good opinion of others? My own comfort? I think spending can even be an idol for me - not so much the STUFF that I get when I spend but the feel-good-ness that comes from shopping.

Someone once defined an idol as anything or anyone we consistently run to for comfort other than God. Guess that makes those "comfort foods" a biggie too!

I desperately want to see the imprint of the holy spirit on my heart and life every day - NOT the imprint of other stuff that I run to looking for a refuge.
Oh Lord, give me feet that run first and fast to you - and a heart that follows quickly.

every day

Today I read the story of the Exodus – oddly enough found in the book of Exodus – Chapter 14.
I still am awed when I read or hear this story that I’ve been hearing and/or reading since I was a child.
It amazes me - the power of God’s hand – to do outrageous, miraculous things in the lives of his people.
Today he has given me a tiny glimpse of how that power displayed in the crossing of the Red Sea translates to what he does for me EVERY DAY!
Israel was under the law and there were over 600,000 of them. I am under a New Covenant through Jesus and there is only one of me – but EVERY DAY he saves me, every day he leads me out of potentially dangerous (whether physically, emotionally, spiritually) circumstances, every day he protects me, guides me, parts the waters of difficulty or confusion or frustration – provides an escape from sin. Every day he stretches out his mighty hand, he pours out his Holy Spirit and EVERY DAY HE LOVES ME!

all from the same cloud

In Job 37:13 the author writes: "He brings the clouds to punish men, or to water his earth and show his love."

I think this means he can use the same item or circumstance as both discipline and/or blessing. The intention is determined by the condition of my heart.

In my everyday life I want to be tuned in to what types of clouds/items/circumstances God is placing in my day and tuned in to his intent. If I check my own heart - my obedience or lack thereof - then I should be able to determine whether he intends something to be a blessing (a means of showing his love)or if he intends to use it to open my eyes to some disobedient place in me.

I am so grateful for God's grace to show me my own heart - even when there is ugliness, disobedience; some sin there that I don't want to look at but I need to see... need to let him redeem and reshape. I'm so thankful for clouds that bring rain to discipline me and for clouds that bring rain to bless my life with growing seasons.

more than an "also ran"

Well, it's a new year and I'm determined to follow a renewed motivation to post more consistently.
So, I was reading in 1 Corinthians the other day. Chapter 9, verse 24 to be exact. Here's what Paul says: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize!"
The directive is pretty clear but am I taking it seriously? Am I running to get the prize? Am I driven by His glory to keep pressing on at a hard pace? Am I hearing His voice - His calling - His passion for my life - and running hard after it? Or am I far too content with status quo and simply running to stay with the pack?

I need to GET QUIET... LISTEN... HEAR and RUN!!!